很奇怪的是，我明明吃飽睡好也沒生病，不知道為什麼頭痛成這個樣子，被唐三藏念了緊箍咒後的孫悟空大概心情跟我很像。可是我沒什麼要受懲罰的地方啊。除了爸媽今晚要自美歸國我都還沒拖地煮肉燥飯實在有點不孝以外。為了這個受罰，真是太委屈了。
下午忍不住去睡了一覺，本來只想躺個半個小時四十分鐘，但頭痛得緊，竟然就一睡不醒了。還做了一個好可怕的夢。
夢到有人死掉究竟代表什麼意思呢？說出來究竟會促使它成真，還是會拆穿它的偽裝？
在夢裡，那難過和懊悔的感覺如此真實，醒來後仍然覺得心好痛，痛到讓我不確定是真是假，好想好想打電話找人說說，好想有人告訴我那只是夢而已。得知周薇學姊逝世的噩耗那天，也是哭到頭痛睡去，多希望醒來就發現只是在作夢。
曾開玩笑說二十歲以後我再也不在生日蛋糕上插上有數字的蠟燭（其實我根本很少吃蛋糕），但，也是在二十歲之後我才越來越細心數算內心的得失，一年比一年更清楚，在日夜更迭中，收穫了什麼，失落了什麼。
好適合來聽一下 Joni Mitchell 的 Both Sides Now。她在二十幾歲的時候就寫出了這首歌，弦律優美，歌詞意境更是悠遠，敘事中帶有詩意和哲理。可是我更喜歡的是她 2000 年的錄音版本，收錄在 Both Sides Now 這張全以管弦樂編製的爵士專輯中。懶得上傳音樂，先找了 Youtube 中的現場演唱版本，搶先收聽一下。
Bows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere,
I've looked at cloud that way.
But now they only block the sun,
They rain and snow on everyone.
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way.
I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.
Moons and junes and ferris wheels,
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real;
I've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show.
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know,
don't give yourself away.
I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall.
I really don't know love at all.
Tears and fears and feeling proud to say
"I love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds,
I've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say that I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained
in living every day.
I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall.
I really don't know life at all.
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